Delusional disorder; my house

Ok, so the reason that topic and that  “delusional disorder diagnosis” resonated so strongly with me is that I’ve also lived with this all my life.   So I won’t name names, but living with someone with delusional disorder can make you feel like you’re the “crazy” one, because people around you are all buying into the delusion.

For example: “We have a normal happy family. ”  Well, when some in my family started refusing to be in the same room together, or attend the same events, or sit together if they were both there, some others in the family noticed, and some didn’t.  What would you think about one of the sibs never telling anyone this occurred after 3 years. What if I told you it was her roomate who comes to every family event who was never told?

Example 2: “I never missed having a father”.  Can you truly ever meet someone who might say such a thing?  Can you imagine this from anyone ever?  Can you imagine a person living through The Depression and never noticing they were poor?  No?

Example 3: “I’m very sensitive and very soft”.  This is from a person who is frequently angry, impatient, and irritable and yells alot at those close to her.  The reality is that the sensitivity is also true, the sweetness is also there, but she doesn’t hear how she sounds.  I do this alot of the time also, but I do try to  apologize and I do know when I do it and I try to control this.  This person fired her therapist when after 3 years, the therapist said to her “you are sensitive”.  She fired him because he didn’t believe her when she initially told him this at her first appointment.  Why didn’t he? Because he saw a hard, aggressive, difficult lady, and it took 3 years for him to see it.   Sad. So she won’t go to therapists anymore.  They “waste her time”.

Do we all have some delusions about ourselves and our worlds?  Yes, of course we do. We all need some delusions to help us cope and live with the hard facts of life. We believe in concepts like heaven to make death more palatable. We believe in God for the same reason. We believe that things happen for a reason.  We try to find something good with whatever badness occurs so we focus on the heroes after a tragedy.  There’s nothing wrong with beliefs that help us cope and survive.  We need them.  We all have some.  We’re all imperfect and we all make mistakes, and we’re all just doing the best we can.  But the family “stories” when they make you feel sick can be disturbing and damaging, so we have to recognize them as well in ourselves when we see them.  That doesn’t mean we have to confront them or try to change them, but just be aware and be prepared when we go into certain situations and settings because it can trigger strong responses that make us feel out of control.  So if you and I lose control sometimes, lets forgive ourselves and move on. OK?

Delusional disorder; my house

Delusional Disorder From the White House to Yours

Pauline Dakin was on the radio being interviewed this morning about her memoir, Run, Hide, Repeat

She described her childhood convinced along with her mother, that they were in hiding from the mob and always in danger. At some point, as an adult, she started to question the story that had ruled her life.  And without giving everything away, it turned out a family friend had convinced her mother this was the truth.

The commentator on WGN radio then brought up this Delusional Disorder as being something our current President has.  He made some very good points and also mentioned a book by two psychiatrists coming out giving credence to our President having this disorder.  Well, I don’t know if Donny boy meets all the criteria according to the DSM V, the book of psychiatric disorders, but it takes no expert to realize he lives a life based on delusion.  He has a delusion about the President being akin to being King, and that it should be punishable to question or critique him. Thus anyone or any press who does is fake and has some ulterior motive.

The commentator pointed out that Donny as a boy playing softball hit a double.  He promptly told his father when he arrived that he had hit a home run.  Thus, don’t deny this- Donny thinks he hit the home run, he thinks he won the popular vote and he truly believes everything he says- no matter how crazy. He believes his inaguration had the biggest attendance ever in history!  He is delusional on a daily basis and of course, most reasonable people are well aware of this and we’re just hoping to survive this 4 years without the country being completely destroyed.  The world at large feels our pain and our fears.

But lets go on.  Donny’s presidency may have actually accomplished something extremely important.  First he made the disgusting comments about a female newscaster “bleeding ” and the tapes came out about his “grabbing pussy” and the people in power just stayed quiet.  But then women decided not to be silent anymore.   We didn’t stop Donny.  But something else started to happen.  The bricks about women being abused from men in power really started to fall. It happened before Donny was running, people finally said enough to Bill Cosby.   Then Roger Ailes resigned and Sean Hannity resigned, and Harvey Weinstein was fired and removed from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.  Finally, women have found their voices.

If the next generations of women no longer stay silent, and all the abusers of power fall, something extraordinary and miraculous will have happened during this presidency.  Men misusing their power and money has been going on for a long time, few women haven’t been subjected to inappropriate behavior and advances in difficult situations.  All these terrible behaviors can only continue in a world where there is a conspiracy of silence.  Maybe that time is now coming to an end,  imagine a world where this is no longer the case.

Delusional Disorder From the White House to Yours

Insights from the Las Vegas shooter- arrogance

So it seems like we might have gotten some insights about the Vegas shooter. He wasn’t crazy, he was angry.  Angry enough to make others suffer the way he felt he did.

In 2013 he sued the Cosmopolitan Hotel for a fall. His deposition shows a braggert who feels he’s very important to the gambling community because of the amount of time and money he spent gambling every day. He was apparently pretty good at it, enough to be rich by most of anyone’s standards. But something was missing – he didn’t get the acclimation he felt he deserved.

So when he fell at the fancy Cosmopolitan Hotel in Las Vegas, he felt due something.  Read up on some of his comments in his deposition.  He felt he was very important. How dare this hotel, and this judge not see that?  The judge dismissed his case.  Thus started the acclimation of weapons from that point on.  So why didn’t he go shoot the judge? the other lawyer?  He would have gotten caught. He basically lacked the social skills to be acknowledged. He hoped to get away. He was a coward.

He wasn’t planning on getting caught. He had everything pretty well worked out, including explosives in his car to hurt as many others as possible.  He was delusional in  assuming that because he had money, that he deserved a certain kind of accolade and respect from others.   Like our president, some arrogant people think money or a powerful position earn you the respect of others. Certainly many of those people surround themselves with others who kiss their butts.  Because they can’t tolerate any dissent or disagreement.  But we all know the truth, respect is something we have to earn. And the more we give out, the more we get.

So this doofus was so angry he felt entitled to take other people’s happiness away from them. A great place to find completely innocent targets would be a music festival. He perched himself where he didn’t hear the music. He actually had trial runs or plans at a number of other venues, in Chicago at Lollapalooza and in Boston.  He didn’t act out his rampage there, I’d like to think it was because maybe someone in those places said a kind word to him, so he couldn’t carry it out.  But Vegas, Vegas became the enemy in his mind because he should be world famous for his poker skills, but he wasn’t. And his skills were only against the machines, he could never succeed in a tournament with others because he had not sufficient people skills.  Because a person who thinks money should make others  bow down to them somehow either gets elected President of America or has to be satisfied with fantasizing about owning a small island.  He should have moved to a poor country, hired bodyguards and built his palace.  We wish he had.


Insights from the Las Vegas shooter- arrogance

From a place of healing

Image result for om lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu

“May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.”

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From Wikipedia:

The Port Arthur massacre of 28–29 April 1996 was a massacre in which 35 people were killed and 23 wounded. It occurred mainly at the historic Port Arthur former prison colony,[1] a popular tourist site in south-eastern Tasmania, Australia.[2] It was the deadliest mass shooting in Australian history, and amongst the most notable in history.[3]


Following the spree, the Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard, introduced strict gun control laws within Australia and formulated the National Firearms Programme Implementation Act 1996, restricting the private ownership of high capacity semi-automatic rifles, semi-automatic shotguns and pump-action shotguns as well as introducing uniform firearms licensing. It was implemented with bipartisan support by the Commonwealth, states and territories.[6] The massacre happened just six weeks after the Dunblane massacre, in Scotland, which claimed 18 lives, with U.K. Prime Minister John Major reaching out to his counterpart over the shared tragedies; the United Kingdom passed its own changes to gun laws in 1997.[7][8]

Yes there are ways to make changes and make America safer.  Right now it’s discouraging because the elected “leader” doesn’t represent the majority of us in thoughts, words, or actions.  Alot of gullible people and rich people who care more about power and money than people conspired to put him in power.  The ones who can thwart his behavior are few, because losing that power is frightening to them.  But even that power has been thwarted by our strength and the strength and power or the nameless people among us who work together to stop the harm that he would create.  So we will endure, and we will be stronger and better for it.

Mankind seems committed to repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Gullible people climb aboard unknowingly and we have to forgive them. Someday, the gun control measures will become more rational. Perhaps every GOP member needs to lose a family member to gun violence before that will occur.  Perhaps someone will begin the anti-NRA organization which will be stronger than the NRA.  Perhaps those in power will gain some common sense but until then we have to commit to rational behavior and thought and join together the best we can.

I know that where weaponry is limited, the terrorist actions cause less destruction. There is much less damage a maniacal lone wolf can cause with a knife. It’s common sense. Why are assault weapons legal? Why are the adapters to make them full machine guns legal?  Much of our world is crazy. Much of our law is crazy. But we’re not crazy. And if we keep working together, we will change our world.

Today, keep on reaching out and loving. Go past your fears and reach out to someone who is isolated and different.  We all need to be connected. When we’re connected, all of our worlds are safer. It’s not possible to hate so much as to destroy others when we stay connected.  All life is precious.

From a place of healing

Answering your phone is so 1990.

Seriously, I just got a new Ford Fusion. Even better, it was a certified used 2017 model fully loaded with tons of special features that I don’t even have any idea of how to use. And because it was “certified used” the warranty is actually better and longer and it almost was half what the sticker of a new one would be. So finally, finally, I can back up safely.  I might even be able to back up into the parking lines now, wow. So I hopefully won’t keep losing side mirrors on our one car garage side walls, super cool!  Right?  But what about when those large SUVs and trucks are parked next to me?  When is the extending periscope going to get added?

I totally love that my car can send and receive text messages while I’m driving. That’s just the coolest. It will totally help my communication with my children who never ever answer their phones, right?  I mean answering your phone is so over!  Why do people even work as telemarketers anymore?  Who actually answers their phone nowadays?

So the trunk.  I mean, come on. Who designed this thing?  I see those ads where the lady pushes a button on the bottom of the trunk while she’s on the phone explaining that wifi isn’t a question, it’s a thing,  and her husband is standing there with his hands full of groceries.  So I just don’t understand, if I can just walk up to my car and it senses my key in my purse and I don’t even need a key in an ignition to drive my car, why can’t it just sense I’m standing in front of my trunk and open. Or why isn’t Siri just responding to “open my trunk” when I say so.  It seems like how did they forget this when they’re designing all this other cool stuff. Right?  So now, I’m totally feeling annoyed about finding my key fob when I need to open the trunk. They’ve now created a new problem for me.

(I asked my 87 year old mom who’s been driving one of these types of cars for over a year if she has any idea how to start the car if the battery in the key fob dies- she has no idea. At least I watched the video – she said jealously “they gave you a video?” and I told her, no I didn’t get a video with my car, I googled it and watched it on YouTube of course)

I do know I’m first on the list for Amazon when they start experimenting with the brain implant device that will recognize the difference for when you’re thinking about ordering something and just fantasizing, so the stuff you want will be at your door just by thinking I want that.  So I’m first on the list because I put it down here right?  You saw it.  It’s my idea and I want it.  And because it’s my idea and I want it, I get all the mis-orders of chocolate sundaes and brownies for free if it’s their error?  Right?  See why I’m first on the list?  Did you want to be second?

Answering your phone is so 1990.

Stop! I want me time!

OMG have your weekends and “me” time turned into mine?  My hubby said to me “enjoy your day off! ” and I thought, what day off?  I have to go to yoga, and zumba, and walk the dog and take the dog to the vet, and do laundry and order my craft supplies and there’s a million other things I need to do.  And as I was realizing this day was about to slip into another one of those busy days that feels like it’s anything but about me having a day off  – as I look at my Daylio self monitoring Ap and realize I never check “relaxing” and WTF!  What am I doing to myself?  And how did this happen?

And it happens. We all do it. We get into a mindless routine of what we have to do, but do we really?  If you really have enough underwear to go through 14 days, why do you have to do the laundry just because the basket is full?  Can’t you just push it down?  Or get a bigger basket?  Or buy a new pair of panties?

Well, I guess we don’t all do it.  I do know people who don’t do anything much but that’s the point.  No matter what it is it starts to become “things I have to do” and then the fun is gone! Gone!

What I really want to do on my day off?  I really want to stay in bed and watch Netflix to my hearts delight. And play online spades with online friends I won’t ever meet and blacklist a bunch of dummies who get us set.   Did I?  No.   But I didn’t go to yoga or zumba today so there!  I played some with my arts and crafts and that was satisfying but I was making one project hoping that it would turn out good enough to donate to a charity event I’m involved in.  And again, I took the fun out of it.  All the while thinking this is Monday, and Monday is my allocated day for working on my book and I haven’t written anything much in months now because I gave myself the summer off, and btw, someone please tell me what happened to this summer because I seem to have lost it entirely.  Sheet! Why does everything feel like should, good enough, blah blah blah. Somebody please change this record!    I guess I should have gone to yoga after all.

But do me a favor.  Figure out today what is a should that doesn’t have to be.  And just let it go and while you do that wonderful indulgent thing, think of poor pitiful me, will ya?

And I’m going to keep on searching today for a giggle.   I am going to promise to keep my eyes open and try to find one. I deserve it.  You do too.

Stop! I want me time!