Judging needs to be left to the courts. Even they bicker and get it wrong sometimes too, but if you’ve ever been involved in court stuff of any kind, you know how it feels: Overwhelming, confusing, uncomfortable, out of control.
Did you ever stop and think about how harmful this judgement thing we do is and how much better you would feel if you stopped it?
When you judge you’re unhappy. If you judge yourself, as we all seem to do, what’s the result? Pain. It never helps to compare yourself to someone else. It’s also incorrect. You’ll always be wrong. We’re each so unique. It’s foolish and inaccurate to think you can compare yourself to someone else. And you’re sure to make yourself unhappy. Is that what you want? Or would you choose instead to be happy.
So here’s the thing. We don’t even realize we’re doing it. But it would be a great idea to start listening to your inner voice and directing it a whole lot more. We feel happy and good when we feel good about ourselves and connected to others. We fall apart when we disconnect, or lose someone close. We feel like shit when we compare ourselves to others, always.
I know someone very lovely. Tall and thin and blonde, I recently got to spend more time with her. Looking at her, of course I admire her. She’s beautiful, regal. Wherever she goes, people stop and stare. She’s also a lovely person, very kind and very compassionate. I certainly didn’t know her in any deep way. But we happened to be in a situation recently where she had a bathing suit on. She looked stunning as usual. It wasn’t until I saw her back that I noted how misshapen her back was, and all the scars. I had no idea this graceful kind lady was also suffering in silence every day. But she’s also the kind of person I now admire, understanding that she’s living gracefully, not focused on her pain because that’s just a part of her life. We never really know what scars a person has, so judging and comparing ourselves to them is always a mistake.
How about how you judge yourself? Could you just try to be a little kinder to yourself, please? When you’re judging negatively you feel bad, when you negatively judge others you also feel bad. When I look and meet very lonely people- this is a common trait they have. No one wants to be around that. Joy is the magnet.
Could you then consciously choose to tell yourself something about yourself you like? Could you direct your thoughts to think about the last time you felt good about yourself? That you felt happy? Being around small children will do this. Go somewhere and just watch children play. Before they’ve learned from life to compare themselves and criticize themselves, watch how much happiness they naturally have. We all owe it to ourselves to cultivate and nuture this spontaneity and joy. Be satisfied with the effort. Find pleasure in the process. It’s all ok. We get better with practice.