Seriously, I just got a new Ford Fusion. Even better, it was a certified used 2017 model fully loaded with tons of special features that I don’t even have any idea of how to use. And because it was “certified used” the warranty is actually better and longer and it almost was half what the sticker of a new one would be. So finally, finally, I can back up safely. I might even be able to back up into the parking lines now, wow. So I hopefully won’t keep losing side mirrors on our one car garage side walls, super cool! Right? But what about when those large SUVs and trucks are parked next to me? When is the extending periscope going to get added?
I totally love that my car can send and receive text messages while I’m driving. That’s just the coolest. It will totally help my communication with my children who never ever answer their phones, right? I mean answering your phone is so over! Why do people even work as telemarketers anymore? Who actually answers their phone nowadays?
So the trunk. I mean, come on. Who designed this thing? I see those ads where the lady pushes a button on the bottom of the trunk while she’s on the phone explaining that wifi isn’t a question, it’s a thing, and her husband is standing there with his hands full of groceries. So I just don’t understand, if I can just walk up to my car and it senses my key in my purse and I don’t even need a key in an ignition to drive my car, why can’t it just sense I’m standing in front of my trunk and open. Or why isn’t Siri just responding to “open my trunk” when I say so. It seems like how did they forget this when they’re designing all this other cool stuff. Right? So now, I’m totally feeling annoyed about finding my key fob when I need to open the trunk. They’ve now created a new problem for me.
(I asked my 87 year old mom who’s been driving one of these types of cars for over a year if she has any idea how to start the car if the battery in the key fob dies- she has no idea. At least I watched the video – she said jealously “they gave you a video?” and I told her, no I didn’t get a video with my car, I googled it and watched it on YouTube of course)
I do know I’m first on the list for Amazon when they start experimenting with the brain implant device that will recognize the difference for when you’re thinking about ordering something and just fantasizing, so the stuff you want will be at your door just by thinking I want that. So I’m first on the list because I put it down here right? You saw it. It’s my idea and I want it. And because it’s my idea and I want it, I get all the mis-orders of chocolate sundaes and brownies for free if it’s their error? Right? See why I’m first on the list? Did you want to be second?