Modern technology can know what we want before we even know we want it. I opened my iTunes and listened to a song that appeared free and it was Megan Hilty singing her cover of “Heart of the Matter” by Don Henley and performed on his third solo album. Her version of the song gives you a chance to really listen to how beautiful of a piece of art this song really is.
The song is about “forgiveness” and the words ring as true today as they did when it was written and published in 1989. Beautiful and meaningful enough that I want to share them with you today.
“These times are so uncertain, There’s a yearning undefined …..people filled with rage, We all need a little tenderness, How can love survive in such a graceless age? The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness, They’re the very things we kill, I guess. Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms, And the work I put between us doesn’t keep me warm”
We all need trust and self assurance, still true and still hard to find. As I listened to Megan Hilty’s cover just before I walked into yoga class, the words rang true for me, how hard these things are to find, and how much we all need them. We need the self-assurance and trust in ourselves that comes from knowing ourselves, and having that trust validated by others. We can’t ever get that validation if we are isolated, or if we surround ourselves by others who actually criticize or invalidate us constantly. It’s important that we have someone or someones around us who “get” us and know who we are. We can’t ever get that validation which results in self assurance without being honest and really sharing with someone we trust who we truly are.
Romantic love relationships are often the only place we share this kind of intimacy, and sometimes people can put too much of our need to be validated in just this one type of relationship. This can be devastating, because love relationships are often transitory. It’s important we find others besides our most intimate partners to be honest with, and intimate with, and share all our flaws so we can be certain that we are lovable in spite of them. If too much emphasis is put on the romantic relationship, then we can be truly lost if they change. And that’s not preparing for life. Because like it or not, life is about change and adjusting to it. Nothing ever stays the same, but we need to be connected legitimately with a group of people, so that when we lose one relationship we are not lost.
“I got the call today, I didn’t want to hear but I knew that it would come. An old, true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone, she said you found someone. . And I thought of all the bad luck and the struggles we went through and how I lost me and you lost you. What are those voices outside love’s open door, make us throw off our contentment and beg for something more?
I’m learning to live without you now, but I miss you sometimes. The more I know, the less I understand, all the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again. I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter but my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter but I think it’s about forgiveness, forgiveness even if, even if you don’t love me anymore.”
Eventually, everything we love we lose. It’s part of the human condition. It is both painful and difficult, “but I think it’s about forgiveness” and letting go of expectations, and living and appreciating all we have today. Don’t pass up opportunities to truly be yourself with those around you whenever you get that chance, and extend that forgiveness to those who love you because we all make lots of mistakes, and we’re all still worthy of love.