Our brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what we imagine.
We can use that to our advantage – example being the yoga instructor who is paralyzed from the chest down. He continues to teach yoga. His muscle tone in the affected areas continues to be stronger and better toned than others with the same condition. His brain is still making the connections, there is benefit to his practice even though he can’t control his muscles at this point.
So when you say bad things to yourself over and over, it has an impact.
Whatever we practice gets stronger- so the solution is to practice being kind and loving to ourselves. We all make mistakes, mistakes are necessary for us to learn things. The discomfort is to help motivate ourselves to change for the better. If you react to a mistake by beating yourself up more, adding to that mistake, it doesn’t make anything change except how you feel about yourself.
I have emphasized in my book and my lectures, that if we always go from the premise that all of us are doing the best we can as much as we can, then it’s an easier place to understand the error. If we take the behavior personally and harbor on it and repeat it often to others, we stay in a place of anger and hurt. That doesn’t feel very good, but I suspect we choose anger over sadness often because it can be more comfortable than sadness. Anger is a feeling of power and strength. Sadness is a place of letting go and acknowledging our powerlessness. There is no life without loss and sadness, and we have to get ok with feeling sadness too. If you spend too much time pushing it away it stays there…..whereas if you stop pushing it away and be with the sadness, it does eventually pass. We have to get more comfortable with our uncomfortable feelings by honestly embracing them when they occur, so we can heal and it can pass.
If you just keep pushing it away, it stays there longer.