“When Someone Threw Coffee on my Face –by Mia Tagano, syndicated from servicespace.org, Feb 17, 2018”

Tonight, I went to see a play by, and full with, women I consider fierce.

En route, a car seemed to purposely cut me off, almost causing me to hit it. I was a bit in shock and angry both.”I turned my bright lights on him and I drove right behind him. At the next stop light, I pulled up beside him. He was angry, and seemed to shout profanities at me.

I rolled down my window and said, “Really? You’re mad at me when YOU cut me off?!”

He retorted, “YES!” And then threw what I think was his coffee grande (with cream) in my face!

It covered my face, my car and my steering wheel. Thankfully, it was cold.

I didn’t know what to do but I was angry and tired and not feeling 100%, so I followed behind him with my bright lights on.

I called 911 to report an assault by a taxi driver. A very nice and calm operator answered. She told me not to follow him since I could get hurt. I asked her what the procedure was, what would happen. She told me to give her the license plate number and type of car, and they would follow up.

Something in me re-thought the whole thing. I told the 911 operator that I changed my mind. I did not want the police involved after all. “I am fine,” I told her before hanging up.

The car turned down an alley quickly, trying to lose me, but I followed persistently.

I had no plan.

The car pulled over to the right, a youngish man got out of his car. He didn’t look so mean or scary actually — more sad, really. I sensed I didn’t have to worry and I wasn’t afraid.

I pulled over to the left side ahead of him and got out of my car. I shouted at him, “Really?! You are going to throw your coffee on me?” He tried to reason with me as he was approaching.

“Stay back,” I yelled out. “I won’t hurt you,” he replied. I could tell that he meant it. I started to sob. He was walking toward me, kindly.

“Please don’t cry,” he said. “I should not have thrown my ice coffee on you. You flipped me off and that made me angry. This is my second job today, I am just delivering pizzas — that’s what I do. I am in a rush, like everyone else.”

“This is not who I am. I am not this guy,” he added.

“I believe you,” I said.

“And, I am not someone who flips people off usually. I am sorry,” I say through my tears.

“It has been a hard day. I am not a bad guy,” he says. “I am not a bad woman. I am sorry, too. This is not my way,” I say. “It is not my way either,” he says.

“Please wait here,” he says as he goes back to his car to get a towel. He also brought a bottle of water. “Please drink,” he says, “It will make you feel better.” Then, he proceeded to clean my jacket and my car.

“This is not who I am,” he repeats. “I have a son, I am working two jobs, I am just trying to do my best. I am not this person you think I am.”

“I am not this person either,” I say.

As if to start over, I ask, “My name is Mia. What is your name?” “Mohammed.” “I am sorry this happened, Mohammed.” “Me too,” he says.

We both hugged, apologizing to each other. These are turbulent times for our world. “I don’t want to add to the darkness,” I tell him. “Me too,” he says.

We hugged again. Both crying. “Keep your son safe,” I say. “Thank you. You stay safe too.”

One last time, we both apologized, hugged, shook hands and parted ways.


Mia Tagano is a vocal coach, actor and ServiceSpace volunteer based in the Bay Area. She’s toured with the Royal Shakespeare Company and performed in scores of stage productions in the United States. Her dedication towards her 96-year-old grandmother has touched many across the world. Read more about her inspiring journey here. 

Advertisements
“When Someone Threw Coffee on my Face –by Mia Tagano, syndicated from servicespace.org, Feb 17, 2018”

Plant a single seed in your garden

Happy Day! Another Hallmark holiday. Are you your favorite valentine?

No? You hate yourself? You’re ashamed of things you have or haven’t done, or you’re ashamed or embarrassed by something. You think everyone else but you is enjoying today?

Children small enough to enjoy the pleasure of sugar with none of the guilt are enjoying today. But maybe not you. What can you do?

Could you visualize planting a seed today? A seed of hope? A seed of change?

Can you visualize a willow tree that no matter where planted almost always grows like a giant weed and flourishes?

Or the lotus flower, that grow through muck and mud and emerges pristine? Could you try to imagine that today this seed you will plant could emerge as you, gorgeous and glorious? Give your seed some attention, some light, some nourishment and some time. Give yourself what you need today to bloom. Be kind to you. I love you. The world is just waiting for you to grow and bloom.

Namaste

Rhonda

Plant a single seed in your garden

Judgement should be a 4 letter word

Judging needs to be left to the courts.  Even they bicker and get it wrong sometimes too, but if you’ve ever been involved in court stuff of any kind, you know how it feels:  Overwhelming, confusing, uncomfortable, out of control.

Did you ever stop and think about how harmful this judgement thing we do is and how much better you would feel if you stopped it?

When you judge you’re unhappy.  If you judge yourself, as we all seem to do, what’s the result?  Pain.  It never helps to compare yourself to someone else. It’s also incorrect.  You’ll always be wrong. We’re each so unique.  It’s foolish and inaccurate to think you can compare yourself to someone else.  And you’re sure to make yourself unhappy.  Is that what you want?  Or would you choose instead to be happy.

So here’s the thing.  We don’t even realize we’re doing it.  But it would be a great idea to start listening to your inner voice and directing it a whole lot more.  We feel happy and good when we feel good about ourselves and connected to others. We fall apart when we disconnect, or lose someone close.  We feel like shit when we compare ourselves to others, always.

I know someone very lovely.  Tall and thin and blonde, I recently got to spend more time with her. Looking at her, of course I admire her.  She’s beautiful, regal.  Wherever she goes, people stop and stare.  She’s also a lovely person, very kind and very compassionate.  I certainly didn’t know her in any deep way.  But we happened to be in a situation recently where she had a bathing suit on.  She looked stunning as usual.  It wasn’t until I saw her back that I noted how misshapen her back was, and all the scars.  I had no idea this graceful kind lady was also suffering in silence every day.  But she’s also the kind of person I now admire, understanding that she’s living gracefully, not focused on her pain because that’s just a part of her life.  We never really know what scars a person has, so judging and comparing ourselves to them is always a mistake.

How about how you judge yourself?  Could you just try to be a little kinder to yourself, please?  When you’re judging negatively  you feel bad, when you negatively judge others you also feel bad.  When I look and meet very lonely people- this is a common trait they have.  No one wants to be around that.  Joy is the magnet.

Could you then consciously choose to tell yourself something about yourself you like?  Could you direct your thoughts to think about the last time you felt good about yourself?  That you felt happy?  Being around small children will do this.  Go somewhere and just watch children play.  Before they’ve learned from life to compare themselves and criticize themselves, watch how much happiness they naturally have.  We all owe it to ourselves to cultivate and nuture this spontaneity and joy.  Be satisfied with the effort. Find pleasure in the process.  It’s all ok.  We get better with practice.

Namaste.

Judgement should be a 4 letter word

2018 resources

Hi all

Yes, You will maybe notice I am posting less often this year.  I’m hard at work on my 2nd book on suicide prevention.  Are we all talking about suicide that much more?  It seems like I hear of a sucide at least every week lately.  The world has become an uglier place and the less connected we are, the meaner we can be to one another.  The meaner life feels, the harder it is to maintain the struggle when we’re in pain.  This is a book I promised myself to write and finish this year. I will.

That’s why it’s always best to discuss anything delicate in person – not by text, and not over the phone. We are much kinder to one another when face to face.

So While I’m off writing my second personal project, here are some resources for you.

Kindspring.org    You can sign up for their newsletter and share your random acts of kindness. the readers will gift you with karma bucks you can then send on to others. A lovely site where kind people connect and you can feel inspired again by fellow humanoids.

Dailygood.org    This lovely site shares positive stories of humans doing lovely things that positively affect other humans every day.  Alot of wisdom and alot of inspiration of people of all ages, around the globe.

Kindful kids from ServiceSpace.org   Stories intended to help parenting kind and considerate little humans to help our world be a better place in the future.

DBTselfhelp.com  A site set up by a real woman who graduated and continues to use DBT skills training to self calm and deal with borderline personality disorder.  Also search under DBT on Facebook. You will also find DBT sites there where helpful information is posted to help with self calming and “emotional regulation” ie having control over your responses

Simple Habit  is an Ap available on most smart platforms. It’s a 5-7 minute  Mindfulness exercise to help you calm down.

Insight Timer is another Ap that can help you use guided imagery to self calm. Calm mind =happy mind.

Online therapy is a “thing” now. Available from many sources.  Byron clinic is one of these.  Take care of yourself while I’m working. I will be back.

Free Gift from Byron Clinic

5 Free Online Video Counselling Sessions

Try It, You Will Like It

Hi Rhonda,
We have a very exciting gift for you!
We are giving away five FREE online video counselling sessions from wisemind.com to everyone throughout the month of January.
There are currently 90 therapy sessions online with another 120 sessions to be released in the new year.
Current topics include:
🌼 Advanced Trauma Therapy
🌼 Emotional Regulation
🌼 Conflict in Relationships
🌼 Divorcing – Parents and Kids
Claim your FREE TICKET for 5 FREE ONLINE VIDEO COUNSELLING SESSIONS from wisemind.com.
2018 resources

Touch Me (i found it- it was a “page” not a “blog” f-in technology grrrrr)

In the early 1940s, the rate of infant mortality was very high. Abroad it was even higher. In 1944 a study was done in the United States  to determine the effectiveness of touch vs just nutrition. Forty babies were divided in two groups.  Those who got all their physical needs met but no affection  and those who were cared for by caregivers who were allowed to play and speak to the babies.  The study was stopped after 4 months, because half of the babies in the basic needs group had died.

In 1952, Dr Rene Spitz studied a group of infants raised in an orphanage/hospital environment vs those raised by women prisoners in their cells. The institutional group had a 37% death rate, but none of the babies raised in prisons died.

In 2007, studies were published from a Romanian researcher about the effects of early institutionalization.  Human kindness was not withheld in this study,  they were just looking at the effects of life in a institution vs that of early life in a home environment.  52% of those who spent their early lives in institutions developed mental health issues compared to 22% in those who experienced a foster environment but not institutionalization.

The need of human affection and touch greatly changed the behaviors and rules of childbirth and visitation in our country over the years. In the 1950s, moms were sent home when children had medical issues and were allowed only limited contact with children in intensive care or after birth.  Things like fathers and partners allowed in the birth rooms and less visiting restrictions after birth today  have changed because  human contact and love goes a long way to promote life and survival.

We don’t just want touch. We actually do physically need it for development. Not just babies.  Adults do too.  Please give someone in need the benefit of your eye contact, and your touch today.  It will help you as much as it will help them.  There’s no crime in asking for a hug.  I love when my patients ask for a hug.  It’s a gift for the receiver too.  I am with you.  You are not alone. I’m sending you my hug right now.  I like to hold on really snugly and give a nice sustained squeeze around your shoulders, giving you a nice loving stretch and all my body heat.  I hope you can feel me.  I’m here.

 

Touch Me (i found it- it was a “page” not a “blog” f-in technology grrrrr)

Touch Me

Really frustrated because I wrote this whole great blog post about how babies in orphanages die without human contact

How studies were done in early and mid 1920s-1950 about touch being as important as food and water, how important human contact is to survival.  How a study was done in 1940s where babies were broken into two groups, one with caring and basic needs and the other 20 babies just basic needs with minimal human interaction – and how after 4 months the study was ended because half the infants in the limited human interaction group had died.

But somehow when I pressed publish, it didn’t. Then on my Ap I hit an X and now it’s all gone.

So I’m a boob and here’s the bottom line.

We all need human contact to survive.  Touch someone, even someone you prefer not to.  We can all live healthier and longer and we all need it.

Touch me. Happy holidays.

Touch Me

Daily reminder: what do you hold on to?

There’s an oldish proverb about a teacher holding up a half full glass of water in front of a class, asking the students how much they think it weighs.

6 ounces says one. 12 ounces says another. One pound shouts out a third. The teacher continues to hold the glass as students shout out guesses.

Well, the teacher finally says. The answer depends on how long you hold up the glass.

Every day, we hold onto things both large and small.  What we hold onto becomes heavy, that heavy becomes a boulder we lug on our backs of all the pains and hurts we’ve ever felt.  The perpetrators don’t feel the weight we carry. Our backs are breaking. How do we remedy this?

We let it go.

Daily reminder: what do you hold on to?